Yes, Virginia, There Is Gun Control
DEAR EDITOR: I identify as a brand new, 100% blue state.
But some of my deplorable friends say there is no gun control.
Papa says, ‘If you see it on ABC it’s so.’
Please tell me the truth; is there gun control?
VIRGINIA O’COMMONWEALTH.
115 WEST NINETY-FIFTH STREET.
VIRGINIA, your deplorable friends are wrong. They have been affected by the bitterness of a clingy age. They do not believe except they see (and they will, real soon). They think that no infringement can be which is prohibited by their little Second Amendment. All minds, Virginia…well, deplorable minds anyway…are little. In this great blue Commonwealth of ours man is a mere insect, an ant, in his intellect, as compared with the boundless government about him, as measured by the intelligence politicians who know he doesn’t need more than 10 rounds in a magazine.
Yes, VIRGINIA, there is gun control. It exists as certainly as California and New York and New Jersey exist, and you know that they abound and give to your life its most commonsense gun safety. Alas! how powerful would be the peasants if there were no gun control. They would be as powerful as if there were no massive government bureaucracy. There would be no childlike faith then, that the government could create public safety by disarming law-abiding citizens, no romance of a Utopian existence without crime. We should have no enjoyment, except in socialized medicine. The eternal light with which tyranny fills the world would be extinguished.
Not believe in gun control! You might as well believe that the right of the people to keep and bear arms shall not be infringed! You might get your papa to hire men to run guns to Mexican drug cartels, but even if they did not see gun control as a result, what would that prove? Nobody sees Fast and Furious, but that is no sign that there is no Fast and Furious. The most real things in the world are those that neither deplorables nor bitter clingers can see. Did you ever see serious gun control in the Old Dominion? Of course not, but that’s no proof that it is not coming. Nobody can conceive or imagine all the anti-gun laws there are unseen and unseeable in your future.
Cancel Christmas, Ralphie…
You may now tear apart the Constitution to stop what makes the noise inside, and remove the veil covering the unseen plan which not the strongest NRA, nor even the united strength of all the strongest men that make up the NRA, could tear apart. Only universal background checks, red flag laws, one-gun per month laws, storage requirements, and assault weapon bans, can push aside that liberty and view and picture the supernal beauty and glory of a disarmed citizenry. Is it all real? Ah, VIRGINIA, in all this world there is nothing else real and abiding.
No gun control! It lives, and lives forever. A thousand years from now, Virginia, nay, ten times ten thousand years from now, it will continue to make glad the heart of tyranny.
It’s definitely a blue Christmas for Virginia gun owners.
A parody of the original letter to the editor of the New York Sun by Virginia O’Hanlon.
